You are waking up from a long dream. It is not easy to find your way back into reality. Most of the times you are left with loose fragments, not worth remembering. held back by the importance of efficiently starting into the day with nothing holding back. But some find their ways into your notes app.

February 11

I am on a kind of bed, together with C. A kind of spice mill is hanging above the bed. C wants to grind spices and puts something red (chilies?) into the mill. I'm supposed to collect the ground spices, but I don't have a container. She just starts it, I hold my palms under the opening of the grinder and red powder trickles out. To catch the powder properly, I have to stretch out my upper body. I kneel on the bed, the blanket is too close for me to stand (a bunk bed?) C now fills the grinder with nutmeg. Suddenly a lot of powder comes out of the opening. I search desperately for a container to catch the powder. The only thing I can find is the lid of a screw-top jar; I desperately hold it under the grinder, but far too much powder comes out, far too quickly. I am desperate. I want to make myself heard, I want to tell C to stop, but suddenly I can barely make a sound, I stretch and continue to hold up the lid, on which a frighteningly large mountain of nutmeg powder is now piling up. C doesn't notice my desperation, she giggles. Suddenly T is there too. And now I'm sitting on a kind of turntable on the bed. The two of them set the disk in motion and I spin around myself insanely fast. I want to scream for them to stop, but there's no sound and they both laugh at me. All the powder is flying around the bed, I throw the lid out of my hand out of desperation and to draw attention to myself. I try to make a noise again and suddenly wake up screaming. I feel dizzy.

November 2

I want to go on a boat trip to see the sunset. Together with T, I sneak onto a boat - it's completely cloudy, you can't see the sun and it's raining. Nevertheless, we go further than planned and I have a déja vu, thinking that I was right here before, together with my ex a few years ago. We get off at a cliff. In the middle of the cliff is a metro terminus I'm in a city all of a sudden, it looks like a residential area in New York but is supposed to be my hometown. I meet my uncle F in front of a coffee roastery, he's wearing gigantic high heels and towers several heads above me. He tells me that he has set up a showroom here with the help of the coffee roastery. Next to the café is a brightly lit room, fully mirrored, like a dance hall, you can use it to take photos. I am impressed because I notice that famous people come and go there. I'm in the showroom with a hybrid of A and T. He is supposed to take photos of a young woman. She is curvy and has no experience of modeling. She's wearing a chic ball gown and is blonde. She posts super peasant and cheesy all the time. A does his best to get something out of it, but gets very frustrated at some point. I watch from outside (the mirrors are windows from the outside) and try to think of a solution to the situation. When the two of them take a break, I suggest that maybe she should “do” something instead of posing. A young guy comes in, apparently we know him, A is T again for a moment and I'm super cheeky and quick-witted. The guy says he's really hungry and asks if we have anything to eat. T points to my bag and says he can eat the plum in it. I think it's shitty that he's just deciding on my plum, so I say that I want to eat it, only to give it to the guy a moment later (self-determined). The guy asks how long we've been together, 2 years? I say it's only been one and T remarks that we kissed for the first time exactly one year ago on this day. Back to the photo shoot, the two of them take my advice and go into a kitchen instead of the showroom, where the woman is now tidying up. In the meantime, natural snapshots are to be taken. I love the situation from the outside too and run into A's apartment to get a second camera, I'm magically back on location but the shoot is almost over already, I still take a few behind the scenes photos without being asked but the camera has a super weird wide-angle lens and keeps taking pictures of myself instead of the desired scene.